First let me say that I find myself hating my life lately. I'm glad that this blog doesn't have a big following right now. I'm a mess.
I. Hate. My. Life.
that sounds horrible I know. My great deal on a house is a house that is falling apart, I'm starting to hate it. I went to work for tax season (starting last October 2015) my house hasn't been 100% clean since. I've been home since mid-March. Hubby has been on medical leave since January......we're broke..no money.
He has no desire to go back to work. He has no desire to want me. Like I said I'm currently hating my life. Aside from the 3 children we have to feed, we also have 2 dairy does, Bambi just kidded to bucklings (could have sold doelings for twice what these little boys will bring) and miss Juliette will kid anytime between now and the next couple months? We have our Buck, Remington (code for spoiled pain in the BUTT Momma's boy) we're up to just over 30 poultry between the chickens and turkeys. 1/2 of them will be sold or eaten.
I feel overwhelmed, I can't do this on my own and I've said this. Hubs either doesn't listen or doesn't care because while he "supports" me in having these animals he doesn't interact with them unless he has to (me in an emergency situation screaming bloody murder for help might {just might} bring him out to help.
I weigh 244 pounds. that is OVER double what I should weigh. My children have never heard me say that I feel beautiful or that I love myself because I don't. I don't feel like I ever will.
EPIPHANY: It's not my life that I hate, it's me. I hate myself.
Here's a few reasons that I can think of why I hate myself.
I unapologetic-ally ate 3 pieces of chocolate cake yesterday and 2 more today.
I lack will power and self control
I'm lazy
I have NO Motivation
I'm unhappy.....it's totally my fault, no one person can make me happy, I have to choose to be happy.
Here's me....choosing to be happy.
I am going to start each day choosing to be happy, choosing to get up and clean something, to eat healthier, to be more active.
I binge watched "My Diet is Better" today.....while eating chocolate cake and thinking man I can do those things.....now is the time to start.
"Dieting" hasn't worked in the past, I am the main cook in the family. I don't feel like I have the support system I need to have. In the past I have said, "no cookies" or "no pop" and it never sticks. Hubs has to have his pop and junk food. It drives me nuts why can't he support that I hate my body and do not feel comfortable with myself to the point that I don't want to go anywhere or see people.
Seriously if I could just hang out with my goats and chickens and my favorite Turkey Pepper....I'd be a very happy person.
Here it goes
No More Excuses
No More Waiting for someone else to want to change too
No More Hiding
I'm ready to love myself, to love my body and start loving my life
I. Hate. My. Life.
that sounds horrible I know. My great deal on a house is a house that is falling apart, I'm starting to hate it. I went to work for tax season (starting last October 2015) my house hasn't been 100% clean since. I've been home since mid-March. Hubby has been on medical leave since January......we're broke..no money.
He has no desire to go back to work. He has no desire to want me. Like I said I'm currently hating my life. Aside from the 3 children we have to feed, we also have 2 dairy does, Bambi just kidded to bucklings (could have sold doelings for twice what these little boys will bring) and miss Juliette will kid anytime between now and the next couple months? We have our Buck, Remington (code for spoiled pain in the BUTT Momma's boy) we're up to just over 30 poultry between the chickens and turkeys. 1/2 of them will be sold or eaten.
I feel overwhelmed, I can't do this on my own and I've said this. Hubs either doesn't listen or doesn't care because while he "supports" me in having these animals he doesn't interact with them unless he has to (me in an emergency situation screaming bloody murder for help might {just might} bring him out to help.
I weigh 244 pounds. that is OVER double what I should weigh. My children have never heard me say that I feel beautiful or that I love myself because I don't. I don't feel like I ever will.
EPIPHANY: It's not my life that I hate, it's me. I hate myself.
Here's a few reasons that I can think of why I hate myself.
I unapologetic-ally ate 3 pieces of chocolate cake yesterday and 2 more today.
I lack will power and self control
I'm lazy
I have NO Motivation
I'm unhappy.....it's totally my fault, no one person can make me happy, I have to choose to be happy.
Here's me....choosing to be happy.
I am going to start each day choosing to be happy, choosing to get up and clean something, to eat healthier, to be more active.
I binge watched "My Diet is Better" today.....while eating chocolate cake and thinking man I can do those things.....now is the time to start.
"Dieting" hasn't worked in the past, I am the main cook in the family. I don't feel like I have the support system I need to have. In the past I have said, "no cookies" or "no pop" and it never sticks. Hubs has to have his pop and junk food. It drives me nuts why can't he support that I hate my body and do not feel comfortable with myself to the point that I don't want to go anywhere or see people.
Seriously if I could just hang out with my goats and chickens and my favorite Turkey Pepper....I'd be a very happy person.
Here it goes
No More Excuses
No More Waiting for someone else to want to change too
No More Hiding
I'm ready to love myself, to love my body and start loving my life
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